The Pros and Cons of Squirrels

Squirrels are obnoxious, cocky little jerks.  They’re like the fighter pilots of the backyard animal world.  My list of reasons to hate squirrels grows longer all the time.  One winter, my mom had a bunch of old walnuts and she didn’t want to waste them.  She got this big idea to throw them outside and let the squirrels have them.  This quickly backfired after the nuts ran out and very soon the squirrels were at the back door, looking inside.  You just can’t do anything nice for squirrels.

Cons

1.  They tease my dogs by running back and forth along the fence just out of their reach or  by hiding in the trees.  Then we have to listen to the infuriated barking.  One of our dogs  treed a squirrel and had been watching it intently for a very long time.  She eventually barked for my mom to come outside.  She wanted my mom to spell her and keep an eye on the squirrel while she went to the bathroom.

2.  They steal nuts from birds’ caches.

3.  Last year, a coworker said they saw a golden mantle squirrel murder a baby bunny in cold blood right front of its mother and drag it back to its lair.

4.  Female red squirrels are total trollops.  During the one day of the year they’re in heat, they’ll seduce and mate with up to 14 males in one day.  This behavior increases their risk of exposure to predators and STDs.

5.  Yesterday, a squirrel was playing chicken with my truck as I was driving down the road.  He waited until I got closer, then took off like a bat out of hell right in front of me.

Pros

1.  I’ve seen a picture on Facebook that tells how squirrels will adopt orphaned baby squirrel relatives if they notice the mother isn’t coming back (probably as a result of her own poor life choices, like playing chicken with cars, catching syphilis, or getting beaten to death by a predator squirrel after misbehaving with 13 other squirrels).  However, I’m not convinced this behavior is entirely altruistic.  It could be the squirrels are like Fagin, snapping up orphans to serve as their little army of pickpockets to steal nuts from birds.

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4 Responses to The Pros and Cons of Squirrels

  1. Pingback: Random Friday Musings, Papi Z Style | The Ranting Papizilla

  2. Pingback: Squirrel Meat is Good EATS! :) | The Bubba Effect

  3. Love says:

    Squirrels help the environment by growing trees. They rarely attack plants and they are very entertaining to watch. Squirrels are natures little helper 🙂

  4. Popo popo tingtong ting says:

    if you are a Hunter they are a fun easy hunt and are very good tasting somewhat like chicken.

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